The Art of Zooming

The Bencher—July/August 2020

Richard K. Herrmann, Esquire

I dreamed I woke to go to work,
But I didn’t leave the room.
I just sat at my computer,
And clicked my new app Zoom.
I’ve seen a lot more people,
Since the pandemic closed us down .
And it doesn’t matter where they live,
Which city, burb or town.

We all agree to meet and chat,
I can see them on my screen.
Some I haven’t met for years,
And some I’ve never seen.
People didn’t Zoom before,
They thought Zoom was overrated.
But now it’s very good to use,
Since we’re all so isolated.

I go to take the garbage out,
Or I might walk my dog named Rover.
I take him out so often,
He can’t wait until it’s over.
I have gloves in every pocket,
And masks in every car,
But since everything is closed up tight,
I can’t go very far.

And that is why I’m Zooming,
I’ll just make another call.
I’ve got many deadlines looming,
That’s why I practice law.
I was very good in law school,
In moot court and debating.
And I won first prize in what they called
Advanced procrastinating.* 

There is much more satisfaction,
And a sense of fine relief,
To know others are as bored as me,
Before I write this brief.
So I simply find a reason,
I might even pick a spat.
Then Zoom and I apologize,
Sit back so we can chat.

I say that I am busy
And productive as can be,
Just in case my Zooming friend
Is busier than me.
I hear the courts are Zooming,
And I’ve seen a judge in action.
He was proud that he could share his screen,
And smiled with satisfaction.

Cause we’re dealing with technology,
Not all know how to use it.
And some will take advantage,
Since they know they can abuse it.
I offer you a tip or two,
So they’ll be no gloom and doom.
If you practice what I preach,
The next time that you Zoom.

Make sure your call is Passworded,
To keep others out of reach.
And then you’ll be protected,
From an accidental breach.
Rule 1.6 is serious,
And you never should assume,
That no one will be listening in
The next time that you Zoom.

And make sure you know what’s open,
When you want to share your screen.
Don’t show anything financial,
Or worst of all obscene.
Don’t use a virtual background,
Or your session may turn sour.
Clients want professional,
When they pay you by the hour.

And don’t talk about your client,
When you think your Zoom is through,
Unless your disconnected,
Or you’ll lose your client too.
I hope these notes prove helpful,
And that you’ll remember me,
When you Zoom with jammy bottoms on,
Cause no one else can see.

*Attribution credit to my wife Eileen

Richard K. Herrmann, Esquire, is visiting professor at Delaware Law School.