The Most Important Aspect of Mentoring? Growth.
The Bencher | January/February 2025
By Judge John I. Guy
It all started not in a fancy high-rise office, or a stately courthouse, but in a series of cramped, poorly air-conditioned hotel gyms. In the predawn hours, during my ongoing quest for eternal youth, I found something else. Something I wasn’t looking for.
Each morning, I saw someone I recognized. I had met this man at my new judges college, where he served as faculty for the family law course. Each assigned to a family law division, it seemed he and I kept attending the same judicial conferences.
Often, we were the only two people in the gym. And from time to time, my elder colleague would pose a question to me about family law, not for his education, but for mine. I came to realize he wasn’t testing me; he was building me.
Eventually, his questions became more challenging. And my responses transformed from one-word answers into discussions. We progressed from conversations about substance to dialogue of purpose, and procedure, and best practices. It was the beginning of a mentorship that I will treasure forever.
“A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you than you see in yourself and helps bring it out of you.” —author Bob Proctor
Mentorships in the legal profession can begin anywhere and under any circumstance. There are formal mentoring programs, such as those offered by many American Inns of Courts, and purely organic ones. Mentoring relationships can last for a few months or for a lifetime. And mentorships can exist between those with similar experience levels and those who began their vocations decades apart.
But the most important facet of a mentoring relationship—and the key to its success—is growth. Growth for the mentee and growth for the mentor.
Mentoring in the legal profession allows young lawyers and judges to grow, in part, because it allows the mentee to experience the future today. As mentors share their many experiences, mentees discover steps to take and to avoid. Mentees also learn by gaining an invaluable perspective.
Mentoring also builds confidence in mentees. When a more experienced attorney or judge expresses interest in a mentee the result is an increased sense of self-worth. Being included in a higher-level discussion or project does wonders for the mindset of a newer colleague. And when someone who doesn’t have to give, gives anyway, it almost always has a positive impact on the recipient.
“The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.” —filmmaker Steven Spielberg
Mentors can also provide critical assistance to mentees by providing examples of appropriate and ethical responses to difficult situations. Such is the virtue of life’s experiences.
Perhaps the most underrated aspect of a mentoring relationship is the benefit to the mentor. It’s difficult to express unless you have done it, but mentoring has a tremendously positive impact on the mentor. Watching someone else prosper, in part because of your efforts, is extremely rewarding. Indeed, it has been said that the greatest gift one can receive is the opportunity to give.
And as any mentor will tell you, the solutions produced from a mentoring relationship don’t flow in only one direction. Often it is the mentor who leaves the experience with a sense of growth and accomplishment.
When a mentor’s old approach and a mentee’s new idea collide, the result can be very constructive. The collaboration of perspectives frequently produces a better way of doing things. Mentorships allow for the melding of different generations and the building of better mousetraps.
Mentoring relationships in the legal field also allow mentors to stay current on trends, lifestyles, and the always-changing realm of technology. How many “more-experienced” attorneys and judges learned how to videoconference from a younger colleague? Or learned how to operate their new phone? Or learned the meaning of today’s acronyms? TBH (to be honest).
They say that we spend a third of our career learning how to do something, a third of our career doing it, and a third of our career teaching someone else how to do it. And so it is with becoming a mentor. Mentors pass on their collective knowledge and experiences to their willing successors.
“Mentoring is an indispensable requirement for an artist’s growth. Not only are skills and experience shared, but there is value in the essential reexamination of one’s own work and techniques.” —author Jim Norman
As valuable as mentorships can be, successful mentorships rarely happen by accident. Like any venture worth completing, mentoring takes effort and commitment. Ideally, the mentoring relationship would be a voluntary one. Mentoring relationships that are forced on either or both sides often fail. Both the mentor and the mentee should be highly motivated to enter their relationship.
A successful mentoring relationship requires effort. Mentors and mentees must make time for their relationship and be conscientious about working with one another. Even when the mentoring meeting may be inconvenient or in the middle of a major project, the mentor and mentee need to focus on their discussions.
Mentoring relationships should also be consistent. If nothing else, consistency demonstrates commitment. And interest. And genuineness. Mentors and mentees should meet regularly. The meetings don’t need to occur at the same time or for the same amount of time, but they should occur with regular frequency.
If the conversation is slow, mentors should engage their mentees by asking questions. Test their knowledge. Ask them what challenges they are facing. Or find out if something is distracting or upsetting the mentee. The mentor is responsible for moving the relationship forward.
As with all successful relationships, the key to prosperity is communication. Mentors and mentees should discuss and define the parameters of their communication. Ideally, the mentor would make themselves available at any reasonable hour. Both parties should also know the permissible means of reaching one another, be it by phone, text, email, or some other form of contact.
The mentoring relationships discussed here are the traditional ones, like those offered by many American Inns of Courts and by local bar associations. Indeed, mentoring is included in the mission statement of the American Inns of Court [www.innsofcourt.org/Vision_Mission_Goals]. Such legal mentoring relationships are aspired to and encouraged.
Although most mentoring occurs over time, mentoring can also occur in an instant. We can all recall advice we have been given, warnings we have heeded, and things said to us throughout our lives that we have carried with us since. We are reminded of these one-time mentoring opportunities during the “mentoring moment” portions of our Inn programs.
I recall sitting on a courtroom bench years ago and listening as a colleague was being berated by opposing counsel. When the attorney’s rant was finished, my colleague calmy turned to his adversary and asked, “Do you think this conversation is helping your client?” Brilliant. And unforgettable.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” —poet Maya Angelou
In time, I joined my elder colleague mentioned above on the faculty of the Florida Judicial College. Together, we have taught family law to new judges now for several years. It was mentoring that brought us together and mentoring that keeps us going. I continue to grow with each conversation.
How lucky was I that someone saw something in me that I hadn’t seen in myself? And was willing to take the time to mentor me.
What began as daily trips to the gym resulted in a mentorship that has so enhanced my career. Thank you, Jack.
Judge John I. Guy is a circuit court judge in Florida’s Fourth Judicial Circuit and has been assigned to the Family Law Division since January 2016. He is a member of the Chester Bedell American Inn of Court and a member and past president of the Florida Family Law American Inn of Court in Jacksonville, Florida.